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    It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

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    It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:36 pm


    Again. It's happening again
    The voices
    Their back
    Endless speaking, in my mind
    I can't take it!
    No silence. Only them
    The endless static
    These noises
    It's never ending
    I can't take this anymore
    No. I can't
    It will never end
    Help me, please


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:00 pm

    Schizophrenia A mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by a deficit of typical emotional responses.
    It's an act of hearing these so called 'voices' in your head.
    A repetitive noise, that goes on and on and on.
    Attacks occur more and more, as your stress increases.
    It drives you to insanity.
    Medication may help, yes. But not for all.
    Wasn't that lovely? Haha, it was. Anyways, this will be a little role play of mine. I had a brilliant idea for a roleplay, as I was browsing through tumblr. There was this link to a research project someone did. They found a tape scientists made, to what they believe a schizophrenic person would hear in a attack.
    Link~ http://princess.tumblr.com/post/45335326958/what-schizophrenia-sounds-like-for-the
    Play the recording.
    Not like all those misconceptions, right?
    It's not just some voice you converse with, or noises.
    It's a combinations of sounds, and static, and voices that scramble your mind.
    It can drive you to do things a sane person wouldn't.
    They could convince you to jump of a building. Slit your throat. Kill someone. Torture people. Anything really. It makes it hard to tell reality and fantasy apart.
    Why am I telling you this? Simple. My character has schizophrenia. And it's a bad case. Although he is on heavy medication, just something in his mind won't cooperate. He gets attacks, like the recording, telling him to do things. And they range from a mere 10 seconds, to full on hours. He has been locked up in a mental society for teens.
    Now, your person is a new assistant at the place. It's not some, max security place, but it's there to help these children out, and protect them.
    My guy, has this, and has a few other 'problems' with him. And is going through helpers faster than most. Because he has lost it to the point he can't think clearly. He has regular panic attacks, and the voices drove him to insanity. No wonder most abandon him the first day. But not your guy.
    He's a fresh out of college volunteer, and see's a quality in my guy.
    My guys begins to open up to yours, and they connect with each other. Everyone thinks it be a miracle. And frankly, it is.
    Now he still gets his attacks and all, but they are getting better, seeing your guy is with him. Maybe we can throw in a few twists or something, but I am itching to roleplay this.
    Anyone up for it?


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:21 pm

    *drives up to window*
    Me:Hello!
    Cashier: Hello. What would you like today?
    Me:*looks* Erm.. One bump please!
    Cashier: One bump, coming right up.
    Me: *Takes bump*
    BUMP!!!!


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:23 pm

    I've been convinced. I really really want to do this plot.
    So I have an idea. I'll have to make a new character for it doe (just what I need).
    I'm thinking he's like a young buck. Twenty year old college student. He wants to become a psychologist, so he starts volunteering here. Part of his studies involve working with troubled kids, so that's how he comes into the story, yeah?


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:27 pm

    Yessssss. I will use Ryder, but for this specific plot, I have a slightly altered description. Also, over my past week or so of brainstorming, I have seriously came up with the BEST backstory ever I mean... I was like 'OMG THIS IS FREAKING EPIC!'
    Anyways, yay! I'm happy you're joining ^^ I like you xD
    So.... yeahhh


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:32 pm

    Okay, I'm gonna go find me a nice looking piece of man to roleplay with. Because we all know he's gotta be hot. And he has to look good with Ryder. Yep. Or maybe I will use Keaton (a bit changed up). I don't know yet.... I'll figure this out real quick.
    I like you too..... c:


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:44 pm

    My slightly changed Ryder~

    Ryder Noan
    This boy has a few... problems, per se. Now, the first is his schizophrenia. This disease has caused him to pretty much go insane. He gets little episodes where he freaks out, and has a panic attack. He is a naturally curious boy, his dark chocolate eyes burning with a passion to explore. But tends to hide behind a frightened shell, and is rather reclusive. Ryder has serious trust issues. And it's extremely hard for him to trust others. But once he does, you have his undying loyalty. And he will tend to cling to you. Once he feels comfortable with you, you will find he is actually rather funny and bright. He is a very clever boy, and if he chooses to, can pull tricks on you. Speaking of clever, he is able to turn almost anything into a weapon. Which is why he isn't to be left alone. You can't trust this boy. Well, at least when he is having a episode, were the voices speak to him. Then he goes nuts. He also, as a schizophrenic patient, sees hallucinations. There are two in-particular that stand out to anyone who has met him. Philip, and creature. It's almost like a yin yang. Philip, the good one. Creature the bad. Philip was created by his mind after his real life friend, Philip, committed suicide by jumping off the building he and Ryder lived in. And the boy was the one to find the remains. (This is what triggered the schizophrenia, eventually driving him to madness) Philip is the one who encourages him, follows him around, and is still to this day, his one and only friend. Creature is... not so good. The character that portrays his father, this thing is a shadowy beast that will whisper things into Ryders ear. Tells him how worthless he is, how everyone hates him, he's not loved, to harm himself and other people. And, sadly, on most occasions, Creature is the one Ryder is forced to listen to. He just, can't disobey. Or the black beast will simply never leave him alone.

    Behold Creature


    And Philip


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:54 pm

    Yowza. Phillip is quite the stunner.... He's just adorable c:

    Felix Andrew|20

    He's a young, college student. He chose the field that he did because of his past. His sister has a bad case of multiple personality disorder and his mom was seriously depressed. As a child he had depression, and, due to that, he has multiple scars on his hips and sides. When he got a therapist, he was able to place her as a mother figure. She soon married his father. After that, his life was decent. He managed to overcome his depression by the time he graduated high school. He is smart, eager to learn. He loves to help people, and is naturally good at it. He's one of those people that others tend to gravitate towards. He is overly stubborn which makes him a great candidate for his position. He won't give up, no matter how hopeless someone may seem. He has a knack for staying calm in situations that one would normally panic. He's level-headed. He has a soothing voice and a way with words.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:09 am

    I LOVE YOUR GUYYY!! OMG!! and Lol, ikr? And, if you want, we could always switch Philip's and Ryder's appearances. I don't care *shrugs* Anyways, ONWARD!
    --
    Ryder was sitting in his room, the lights turned on too bright for him. He was currently... not in the best mood. Or well, the best mind set. Small whispers echoed in his ears, as he desperately clawed at them to try and stop it. His nails were short, like always, to prevent him from harming himself. But, he managed to find a way to let the hardened skin t scratch himself, getting the smallest bit of blood on his fingers. He was in the corner, the barkes. It was next to his dresser, so he had a small compact area to hide in. He clenched his jaw, and screwed his eyes shut. It was always like this. The beast roaming his room, coming up to him, hissing these things into his ears. It was driving him over the edge. And no medication seemed to him. The foul look he got when Creature looked at him, the insults thrown at him. It was terrible. And Philip had no control over it. Yes, he fought with the other imaginary creature often, but when things like this happened, he couldn't help. Only see Ryder rock in the corner, clawing at his skin, in pain.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:29 am

    I'd like that mucho.... I'd like for that boy to just knock on my door right now. I could use some comforting from a guy that looks like that... Hahah.

    Felix walked into the building, distaste already creeping into his first impression of the building. He never understood the reasoning behind the appearance of these institutions (or the names for that matter). It all seemed so harsh, predetermining that these kids just belonged in a place that just so happened to strikingly resemble a prison. The thoughts were enough to make him clench his hands. Taking a deep breath, he stepped down the hallway. His arrival at the front desk was punctuated by a relaxed smile.
    "Hello. I'm Felix Andrew Rubio. I'm earning my final college credits through working here with some of the kids. They said I could check in with you. Someone is supposed to meet me so they can introduce me to Ryder," he said in a businesslike voice.
    He had been reading through the files on Ryder. Every word in the documents was imprinted in his mind thanks to the countless times he had gone over the papers. He was entirely interested in the boy already. His condition seemed to be terrible-more severe than anyone could have suspected. Maybe it was Felix's past knowledge on being worse than expected, but he knew he had to help this boy.
    The lady behind the counter nodded, pulling up a few papers and telling him to sign on this dotted line, initial on that, and so forth. He easily finished the papers, his gaze expectantly resting on the door frame as he waited for the doctor who would show Felix the place he would be working for the next few months. He was itching to familiarize himself with the place and meet some of the inhabitants. He could hardly managed to stand still as he waited.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:49 am

    Haha, I know the feeling.
    --
    Soon, a man, in his late thirties walked through the doors. His hair was light, thinning, and a light stubble rested on his chin. He looked rather friendly, and he smiled at Felix. "Ah, Mr.Rubio. How nice to see you" He shook his hand with a firm grip "We are pleased to have you volunteering here. It's always nice to see a bright young face around here to help with the growth of our patients" He held a clipboard in his hand "If you'll follow me, I can give you a brief tour of the facility, and then show you to our special patient" He smiled once more. He seemed to genuinely happy Felix was here. Ryder was a... interesting patient, and needed the most help. So it was always nice to see people interested in helping the boy.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Tue Apr 16, 2013 12:58 am

    "Ryder," Felix said, a natural reflex that he had. He remembered being called the special case and things like that. He remembered how much he hated not having a name to the people around him. It killed him, dehumanized him, which was the exact opposite of the goals in these places. They were trying to prove to these kids that they were, in fact, just as human as everyone else. "I can't wait. I hear that you have some of the best facilities in the country. My professor sent me here just because of that. I've been excited to learn more here. I'm sure it will help me write my final analysis."
    He took it all casually, playing with the hem of his shirt-one that boasted about his hometown's baseball team. He loved baseball. It was one of the things that kept him happy when he was younger. It was a great release that almost everyone had, some with painting, others with music. His had always been baseball. Sure, helping people was great, but it just pushed your problems aside. Baseball erased his issues. He hadn't gone pro strictly because he wanted to please his step mom.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Tue Apr 16, 2013 1:21 am

    He smiled slightly "Thank you. We try our best to treat our patients with the best medical and psychological help possible. And I'm sure there will be plenty of things to observe while here, making your paper a breeze " He then began to walk down the hallway, motioning Felix to follow "If you go down this hallway, you will find our patients who are near recovery" He pointed down a hall, which had a few people milling around. A few nurses, and one child around 12, playing with a doll. "They are not usually violent, and tend not to have as many, episodes, you may call it, as our other patients." He led his down further, and showed him another hall "These children are slightly more aggressive than the others, and tend to need more medication. But they are on the road to improvement" He continued to show him around "This hall contains our patients that are extremely violent, and have to be on watch normally. This hall contains most of our newer patients, who have yet to develop their social skills" He showed him the nurses station, and the area were the children could play. He also showed him the doors to the courtyard, which had a field, and a playground for the young kids. "and finally, isolation. These kids.. well, they aren't allowed around the other patients on most occasions. They show extreme violence, and normally are the ones who go through the most treatment" He frowned slightly. It was always sad to see a child have to come here. "And this is also the hall which Ryder lives in"[p/b] He began to lead him down the hall. [b]"Now, normally we don't allow volunteers to interact, much less try and treat children in this hall, but your recommendations were by far the best we've seen. so we have granted you special access"


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Tue Apr 16, 2013 11:30 am

    Felix nodded, "How is he today. I'd prefer to meet him when he's feeling good. It's easier that way, and then he doesn't feel like I'm trying to push helping him..." His brown eyes fluttered around the isolation area. Just the name made his stomach drop. They were setting him up for failure by just putting him in a place like this. "Oh, and is he allowed to go in the courtyard, or no? It usually helps to feel like he wouldn't be trapped when we're meeting. Unless he's never been there before..: Then it could be overwhelming for him," he trailed off, musing his thoughts with himself. He was trying to think of the least frightening way he could introduce himself to Ryder. This was going to be a lot for the boy to handle, and he didn't want to add any extra stress on to the greetings. It all needed to go smoothly so he could begin getting to know Ryder as soon as possible. He'd worked with a few children with the same condition, but never a child with a case so severe that medicine wasn't helping. It was startling for him


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:42 am

    Sorry for slightly late reply. I was at a concert ^^
    --
    "Well..." He paused, collecting his thoughts "I would say he is in a relatively good mood. He didn't refuse the nurse who helped clean the blood off his ears." He continued to lead him down the hall "So, him not attacking her is a pretty nice thing." He then paused once more, before continuing "Yes, he is allowed out there with someone watching him. But, he's only gone out around 5 times. And that was a long time ago. Ryder tends to not leave his room, only occasionally coming out to at. But other than that, he attacks anyone who tries to touch him, and makes him leave. We've learned to work around that. To keep him comfortable, we normally serve him his meals in his room" He stopped in front of a door. "And this is his room." He pulled out his I.D card, swiping it onto the keypad, unlocking it "I'll let you introduce yourself. Now don't be offended if he doesn't talk to you, or if the things he says are mean. It takes time for him to warm up to people. If you need me, I'll be out here. Just knock"


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:00 pm

    Felix walked into the room, allowing himself one deep, calming breath. It was always better to be relaxed when he met a new person, especially when their stability was questionable. He stayed by the door and cleared his throat before clearly saying hello. He wanted Ryder to hear him and decide if he was allowed to come in. Some kids hated when people invited themselves in. He liked to respect people's wants and needs. He let himself glance around the sparse space. It wasn't very big, and it made him feel bad. Every kid deserved to have a big bedroom all made up like something you would find in a home and garden catalog. This was hardly even a bedroom. He understood why it was the way it was, but it hardly seemed fair.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:27 am

    Gimmie a sec. Trying to think of the perfect reply xD


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:06 am

    WHOOT! 800th post Very Happy
    --
    Ryder was currently wedged between his bed and his wall, having pushed the bed out, just enough so the skinny boy could squeeze himself into the gap. His head poked up ever so slightly, hearing the greeting of the other boy. Upon seeing him, he narrowed his eyes. A new person. He didn't like new people. And although at the moment, he wasn't having an 'attack' he was still, of course, just a little mental wack. Through the framed glasses, his dark blue eyes looked over Felix. (I know I said brown in the descrip. But the new picture he had blue eyes. Just roll with it ^^) He was carefully examining the man across the room, taking a second to decide if he was real or not. After a moment, he decided he was real. "Hi" He said in a dull voice, and slowly let his head go down, back to what he was doing. His room, although bleak and dull, white so bright it was almost painful, he did try and fill the walls with his art. The only thing that seemed to help relax him was his art. Painting, drawing, oil pastel, sculpting, you name it, he loved it. Although, any and all the pictures that filled his wall were... how to put it? Depressing. A few of drawings of creature were taped to the wall, an actual, legitimate painting on a canvas hung above his bed, of a rather realistic painting of Philip, just drinking some coke, That was one of his favorites. Just a memory of his childhood friend. And a photo, of him and Philip lay on his nightstand, in a black photoframe. It looked like they were at a fair, Philip had on a goofy hat, and was holding cotton candy. Ryder was laughing, had on those sunglasses way to big for your face, and was trying to bite the cotton candy Phlip held. It was one of his best memories. There were a few sketches of Philips mangled body were pinned to the wall, the image of his body burned in his memory. Not much, but they stood out against the plain white walls, and the white bed sheets , white everything. Even his clothing was issued white pants, and a loose cotton shirt. He refused to wear shoes, so that was out of the question. Ryder was currently drawing something with a dull pencil, trying to do best with what he had.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:41 am

    "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a bother. Would you like me to come back another time?" Felix asked, sensing the disinterest in Ryder's tone of voice. He let his pale brown eyes flutter over each of the pieces of art. They stayed on the painting, completely mesmerized with the skill level in which it must have taken for the boy to paint something so intricate. He knew it had to be Ryder's painting because in institutions, they didn't let you bring things to decorate your walls with. They gave you a room with the bare essentials. It was a wonder that the blaring whiteness of it all didn't drive everyone mad. It was quite literally giving Felix a headache just standing in the room. The harsh florescents didn't help at all, bouncing of the pristine white of everything and shooting back a glare that was nearly blinding. His eyes though, they gravitated to the painting. He was unable to look away. It was so realistic, and he felt as though the boy in the painting were staring back at him.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:55 am

    Ryder once more poked his head over the bed, looking at Felix similar to how a meerkat would. Just looking over the bed, his eyes just slightly hovering over the white bedframe "I don't care" He simply said "Stay if you want. Go if you want. Do as you please. Just don't go into the closet. Creature is sleeping. I don't want him to get mad" He slowly descended back down, going back to what he was doing. Felix, to him, was just another person trying to help him. But he had learned long ago, that nothing could really help him. Nothing seemed to. He had lost hope long ago, of ever being truly sane, or happy again. His fingers let the lead filled pencil to glide over the paper, shading in the sketch.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:26 am

    "That painting is gorgeous," Felix murmured, mostly to himself. He hasn't actually planned on saying anything out loud, but he couldn't stop the words once they slipped from between his lips. His voice was light, airy, like always. It was one of those "gentle but firm" sounding voices that oozed sincere kindness. The best part was, he didn't intend for his voice to sound that way. It just sort of happened on its own.
    He but his lip upon realizing that he'd spoken. He knew he should really just get to the introduction and leave Ryder in peace. It would probably make the boy happier, but it wasn't really what he wanted to do. I it were up to him, he'd perch himself on the corner of the bed and ask question after question. The boy seemed interesting. He had to remind himself that he was dealing with someone who may not appreciate that sort of introduction, though. He always had to remind himself of things like that when the other doctors weren't around to tell him. For him, it just seemed natural to treat these people like any other person he'd met in a coffee shop or on the beach. Sadly, that wasn't how he was supposed to act, so he had to alter his methods to a more accepted criteria so as not to be heavily criticized by those above him.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Thu Apr 18, 2013 2:36 am

    Phlilips words will be in this faunt.
    --
    Ryder simply let the words sink into him a moment, a small, small smile forming on his lips "Thanks" He replied, and then slowly began to move out from his hiding spot. It was almost animalistic, as if he was scared Felix was going to like, pounce onto him. But eventually, the nimble boy came out, holding the pencil and notebook. He pressed his back against the wall, and looked at Felix though his glasses.
    Tell him thanks for admiring my amazing beauty
    Then, he turned his head, and frowned "No, I will not tell him that. That's sarcastic." He paused
    No it's not.
    "Yes it is! I can tell!" He once more, paused as if to listen
    Well, you made my butt to big. So to make up fo it, tell him I thank him for admiring my gorgeousness
    "What? How did I make your butt look big? I didn't even paint your butt...." He sighed "Shut up Philip. You're being weird" He pulled his knees up to his chest, setting his notebook onto them, and began to draw once more. Then he looked slightly up, meeting Felix's gaze. "I'm not crazy you know. I'm just the only one who can still see him"


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:13 am

    Felix didn't react while the boy spoke to whoever he was speaking to. He just continued to admire the intracacy of the painting. His eyebrows knitted together when Ryder spoke directly to him. He wouldn't have know if the words were directed to him if he hasn't heard the slight change in tone. He let his pale brown eyes drift over and catch Ryder's blue ones. He then said, in a simple voice, "I didn't say you were crazy." He truly didn't believe that Ryder was crazy. There was a wrong connection in his brain somewhere, but that really-for Felix-only explained the horrible attacks that Ryder probably experienced. Who was he to say that whoever the boy was talking to wasn't real? For all he knew, he was. He voiced his opinion, "I mean, how do I know if he's not real? And it's not really my place to make such finalized decisions without any evidence besides what people feed me."


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Fåbûløūš on Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:19 am

    Ryder let his eyes scan over Felix for a moment, letting his brain decide what to do. He decided he liked the response, and smiled a little, his small dimple showing. It was nice to hear someone say something like that. Not just think he was a nut job who could see and hear things. Although he admitted it wasn't normal, he wouldn't come to terms with himself, and face the fact that they were illusions. But to him, they were just so real, created from the conscious of his mind. "What's you name?" He finally asked, his attention still on the man in front of him. Ryder didn't seem very hostile now, which was really good. But he still had a stiffness in his body, showing he was exceedingly nervous, and ready to bolt at any moment.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

    Post by Forbidden on Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:42 am

    He let the corners of his lips twitch into a relaxed half-smile. It was warm, but not overwhelmingly so, just kind, gentle even. "Felix Andrew," he stated simply. "And yours?" he asked. He had a theory. It was one of those theories that you never share because you're one hundred percent sure that it would sound stupid if you said it aloud. Therefore, he kept it to himself. It was a theory, none the less. Even if he already knew the patient's name, he liked to hear them say it. His theory stated that you could tell a lot about a person by the way they introduce themselves. For example, someone who says "My name is blah blah." tends to like information solidified. They like you to know exactly what you've asked. When someone says their last name, they are more open, and so on. It always helped him decide how he should speak to the person in a way that is more likely to evoke responses. He liked to use subtleties like that to learn more about someone.


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    Re: It's happening again. I can't take it anymore!

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